Sincia Fever

Tonight will be Chinese new year eve and right now I'm sitting alone in front of my powerbook, accompanied by my belgian chocolate mousse, enjoying my quiet time - of course my lil princess is asleep. Everything is ready. I'm not those kind a person who believes in myth, but it just feels right to prepare the house for a special celebration. So all the dirty laundry are washed, carpet vacuumed, wooden floor mopped, everything is tidy and neat, ready for tonight. Quite impressed to myself for doing all the house works in the hottest days in the year - yup, yesterday was 43C degree, i think today a bit (tiny bit) cooler than yesterday.

All of sudden, i feel something is missing deep down in my heart. A feeling that i've never experienced before. It feels like you have a vintage radio that could never play the right song anymore, you still love it, you can touch it, but you has lost its soul... funny how I described how much i miss my ama. She's 91 years old, physically healthy but unfortunately her mind has reached her senior moments. With her increasing senility i barely know how is she doing nor feel the connection between us anymore. She's there, she laughed, she sleeps, she can do anything except having a good conversation with me just like the old time...

Ama is there, but she's not there.

It's tough in the time like this having to live far away from your family and relatives. I really miss my ama... i miss talking to her, i miss laughing with her, i miss being scolded by her, oh i miss you soo much ama...

Teardrops falling from my eyes.

I hope you can still feel my love to you. I love you ama.